


[TRAILHEAD] St3v3nUniv3rs3

by Doc_Cairo



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-19 13:32:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12411243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doc_Cairo/pseuds/Doc_Cairo
Summary: A forum thread discussing some very unusual videos.





	1. Page 1

* * *

 

**Post #001 - Mr. Sovengrade**

So… here's my weird find of the day. I was looking at Wacky Sacks reviews and [this particular video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeY0o928fjI) came up on autoplay. Just looked like some cheesy kid trying to mimic the “unboxing” trend, but then jumps the rails hard.

At about a minute, he pans up to show three other people and some really weird stuff in the background of the house, and then there's suddenly a god damn lion. A pink lion.

Then there’s the sound of a struggle in the background, the white haired girl gets thrown across the room, and then some freaky monster special effects. The kid keeps trying to play all this off as normal. There’s also a [kinda silly video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7r03KNiVPs) with the lion playing in boxes like a big cat. I’m still not sure how they did the effects, that must be a really realistic costume.

Other than the monster stuff, I really have no clue what this could be. Your thoughts?

* * *

**Post #002 - charol**

Whoa big fluffy kitty

Want to pet it

* * *

**Post #003 - lunaticdolphin**

Very very weird. What’s with those women’s unusual skin colors? Are they wearing body paint or something? And they said something about a mission.

The guy playing the mailman was so fake, I cringed though.

* * *

**Post #004 - mrBlonde**

> **lunaticdolphin** \- “The guy playing the mailman was so fake, I cringed though.”

I think that was part of the joke. It’s definitely styled to look like a kid’s amateur thing. But the effects on the lion and those tentacles at the end definitely tip it’s hand a bit. I’m pretty stumped by the body paint myself.

Something to point out about that other video on the channel, the one with the lion playing in boxes. The purple one walks through some weird sci-fi door/portal thing with the fridge box. Looks like some kind of cave in the background. You can see the the door in the background of the unboxing video, and there’s a weird looking platform in front of it too.

* * *

  **Post #005 - lunaticdolphin**

I mean, I get that the mailman was supposed to an intentionally bad actor, but it still made me cringe.

That kind of portal effect on the door isn’t that tricky to do. That whole section of the house with the platform looks like it’s green screened in. And the tentacle effects in the react video remind me of MindTwelve. Wonder if they used his tutorials.

* * *

  **Post #006 - chatbit**

Y'all are reading way too much into a shitpost lol

* * *

  **Post #007 - charol**

> **chatbit** “Y'all are reading way too much into a shitpost lol.”

Chatbit is human shitpost confirm

* * *

  **Post #008 - mrBlonde**

> **chatbit** “Y'all are reading way too much into a shitpost lol.”
> 
> **charol** “Chatbit is human shitpost confirm”

Loathe as I am to agree with charol and his grammar, this is kinda Overthinking Things: The Forum if you hadn’t noticed.

I disagree about it looking green screened in. We may just have to wait for more videos with more angles to see though.

* * *

  **Post #009 - hylianhero999**

I’m definitely intrigued. But I don’t think there’s really enough here to do anything with. I’ll sub the channel and see what comes out of this.

* * *

**Post #010 - Mr. Sovengrade**

> **lunaticdolphin** \- “Very very weird. What’s with those women’s unusual skin colors? Are they wearing body paint or something? And they said something about a mission.”

Oh no… body paint… I swear if this turns out to be a homestuck thing in disguise…

Next Page >


	2. Page 2

**Post #011 - hylianhero999**

> **Mr. Sovengrade** “I swear if this turns out to be a homestuck thing in disguise…”

Unless a grey skinned one shows up, you’re fine. ( : B

* * *

**Post #012 - DaMantisMan**

While this is interesting, I don’t know if it really qualifies as a trailhead. These videos were posted months ago and there’s been not a peep from it since. This could have been a one off or abandoned project of some kind.

* * *

**Post #013 - Mr. Sovengrade**

Don’t archive us just yet Mantis. Give it a little more time. I'm sure there's more to this.

* * *

**Post #014 - Tiger Raven**

Oh boy here I go blowing minds again. **; )**

So Mantis mentioned this to me so I thought I’d take a peek. Think I found something you might be interested in.

So… by pausing and zooming in on this shot in the unboxing video, I managed to pull an address from the Wacky Sacks box. It’s partially covered by the mailman’s hand, but you can definitely make “Bea” and “DM”. DM is of course Delmarva. And the house is clearly on the beach as we see the ocean behind the mailman. So I searched for coastal towns in Delmarva with “Bea” in their names.

The most likely result was a town called “Beach City”. And when you search Beach City, the second search result, right under the city’s municipal page, is a [ blog ](http://keepbeachcityweird.tumblr.com/). It’s got a lot of weird conspiracy stuff, but it goes back more than a year before the upload of these videos. And looky looky…

Oh hai Steven.

Alright, I gotta get to my day job. I’ll check back in tonight and see what you guys dug up before I take a longer crack at it.

* * *

  **Post #015 - Mr. Sovengrade**

And Raven takes us all to school, yet again! This is huge.

Alright, my cursory thoughts on what I’m seeing so far.

Aliens seems to be a recurring motif. Well, aliens and soul crushing social ineptitude, but I’m more interested in the aliens. The one of earliest posts talks about a (vampire) spaceship. There’s the ufo pic going up into the sky, and then those posts from January with big green hand in the sky.

Steven is only really alluded to outside that picture. There’s the one post mentioning the lion and another about something crashing to space by his house. And then that weird non-sequitur with the watermelons. Could this be an ET kinda story? Are those people in the bodypaint aliens? 

Also, the heck is that?

* * *

  **Post #016 - mrBlonde**

> **Mr Sovengrade** \- “the heck is that?”

That’s a weeb Soven. Rare and unusual to see a photograph of one in full daylight. Quite surprising.

I’m kidding of course. But the guy really does go on a lot of fandom tangents in the blog. I think it’s supposed to be an… “endearing” character trait but… : - (

And that’s either a very small purple kaiju, or a very large purple kaiju in perspective.

* * *

  **Post #017 - lunaticdolphin**

Aw, that’s harsh mrBlonde. I like Soul Blaster. No Home Boys is pretty lame though.

Soven hit on a lot of the same things I saw, but I’d like to add some more.

> **Ronaldo** \- “Polymorphic Sentient Rocks!!!  They’re here to hollow out the Earth!!!  It’s all a part of the great Diamond Authority!!!!”

Kinda hard to see in the videos we have, but didn’t the white one have some kind of gem or rock in her forehead?

There’s also those really recent posts about a video, but the links inside the blog are dead. Maybe this was some kind of time limited part of the story we missed out on?

* * *

  **Post #018 - charol**

I like post about Sneeple

* * *

  **Post #019 - hylianhero999**

> **lunaticdolphin** \- “There’s also those really recent posts about a video, but the links inside the blog are dead. Maybe this was some kind of time limited part of the story we missed out on?”

That hardly seems fair if that’s the case. How was anyone supposed to find this guy back when those posts were made? We didn’t get the video with the Beach City clue until AFTER the video was supposedly posted and deleted.

It’s just a tumblr blog and the ask seems open. I’m gonna try and contact this character and see if there’s another upload of the video we can get our hands on.

* * *

**Post #020 - lunaticdolphin**

Sounds like a plan hylian. Let us know how it plays out.

Next Page >

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features pictures and content from "Keep Beach City Weird', the in-character blog run by Steven Universe character Ronaldo.
> 
> This chapter also utilizes a reaction gif from Seinfeld.


	3. Page 3

**Post #021 - mrBlonde**

New Ronaldo Post:

 

This is clearly a red herring about the snake people. It’s definitely about snail people guys. It’s been a few days… hear anything back yet Hylian?

* * *

**Post #022 - charol**

I too think Sneeple not sneeple

* * *

**Post #023 - Mr. Sovengrade**

 

> **charol** \- “I too think Sneeple not sneeple”

Never change Charol. Never change.

  
I’m just gonna go back to trying to squint-read that letter about an  [ nsa hacking and killing someone. ](http://keepbeachcityweird.tumblr.com/image/117212434170)

* * *

**Post #024 - hylianhero999**

OK, so I went camping this weekend, so I didn’t get this right away, but I got a response back from Ronaldo!

 

> **GREETINGS FELLOW TRUTH SEEKER!**
> 
> **Per your inquiry, I have included a gaggle drive link to my groundbreaking documentary, _Rising Tides/Crashing Skies: Danger on the Boardwalk: The Truth About the Most Dangerous Boardwalk - A KBCW Investigative Documentary_. I still do not know if the removal of my work from TubeTube was the result of an actual copyright claim, or a conspiracy by the Beach City deep-state to suppress the truth, but in the meantime I ask you to be cautious in who you share this with. Not everyone can handle the truth, but a discerning reader of a blog such as mine surely can. I plan to post the video publicly again once it’s safe to do so, as well as follow up investigations.**
> 
> **Be safe.**
> 
> **Be weird.**
> 
> **\- Ronaldo**

In addition to the link, I present my liveblog reaction to the video.

 

I love the stylistic suck. And how much of an obvious melodramatic teen this guy is.

I actually laughed at the thing with his brother clinging to the store. "YOU CAN'T MAKE UP DRAMA THIS GOOD!"

Still, it's impressive that the PM got this many people involved to film this.

When he films his "re-enactment", the crab that grabs on his hand is a CYCLOPS crab.

Thank you Sadie! Did you just succinctly lay out a plot for us? Also, weird hesitation before she calls them his "family", like she was searching for a different word or something.

 

> **Mayor Dewey**
> 
> **Mayor Dewey**
> 
> **MAYOR DEWEY**

So... I paused and looked at Beach City's actual, municipal website... William Dewey IS the real mayor of the town and judging from the pictures of him on there, he did just play himself for this web series. Neat.

Nice CG of that statue into the cliffside. Looks really real.

He's been onscreen for like 30 seconds and Steven is adorable.

OK... so definitely aliens then. And we have a name for them "Crystal Gems".

I identify with that salty child who knocked the mic out of his hand.

GIANT ENEMY CRAB! ATTACK IT'S WEAK POINT FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!

Oh, and it's a cyclops crab too. Like the little one from earlier. Really damn good effects. The night vision filter makes it real hard to distinguish the CG.

Wait... did the white one just say "magic beings"? I thought we established aliens a few minutes ago?

The tall one is do deadpan I love it.

 

OK... so in summation:

Beach City is apparently beset my monsters/alien invasions on a semi-regular basis. The city is defended by "The Crystal Gems", the colorful beings we've seen with Steven up until now, who are either aliens or magical or both. And he's one of them? Even though he looks human? Seems most of the town knows about them one way or the other, but is numb to it; kinda like Night Vale. Well, mostly numb to it, except for one very bored and drama-hungry teenage blogger who is documenting things.

I think we kinda have some idea what’s going on so far, but I really have no clue where this is going. Maybe some of his older posts will make more sense now that we have this context.

* * *

**Post #025 - DaMantisMan**

Wow… that’s uh… quite a turn.

Sorry I tried to archive this early guys.

* * *

**Post #026 - Tiger Raven**

I used my “mind blown” reaction image too early.

 

> **Ronaldo** \- “Polymorphic Sentient Rocks!!!  They’re here to hollow out the Earth!!!  It’s all a part of the great Diamond Authority!!!!”
> 
>  
> 
> **Lunaticdolphin:** Kinda hard to see in the videos we have, but didn’t the white one have some kind of gem or rock in her forehead?
> 
>  

So they’re called “gems”, and during the fight scene they call each other by name as “Garnet”, “Amethyst”, and “Pearl”. So… they really are polymorphic sentient rocks then? Then what does Steven have to do with anything? Is he just some kid they adopted or something?

* * *

**Post #027 - MrSovengrade**

So I really couldn’t discern anything else from [ the letter ](http://keepbeachcityweird.tumblr.com/image/117212434170). But since it mentions the NSA and Ronaldo’s letter claims the government may be trying to suppress this information, I’m assuming that’s part of the plot.

 

> **Tiger Raven** : Then what does Steven have to do with anything? Is he just some kid they adopted or something?

Remember this confusing post?

Is that pink thing on their belly button supposed to be a gem? Art too suck, cannot tell.

* * *

**Post #028 - Gimme20Dollaz**

I’m late to the thread, but you caught my interest.

Per tradition, I've made you some memes.

More to come.

* * *

**Post #029 - mrBlonde**

Gimme20Dollaz is here. The thread has officially arrived.

* * *

**Post #030 - charol**

possible subversions:

 

> people for human zoo
> 
> mess up wind farm
> 
> steal pets from the popular people

Ronaldo is love

Next Page >

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter again features pictures from "Keep Beach City Weird', the in-character blog run by Steven Universe character Ronaldo.


	4. Page 4

**Post #31 - hylianhero999**

Alright, I’m gonna try and message Ronaldo again with some questions about what we’ve seen here. If there’s anything else you’d like to ask please post it here and I’ll include it. A list of what I’ve got so far:  
\- What else can you tell us about the “crystal gems”?  
\- What’s the deal with Steven? How is he related to them?  
\- You mentioned the government trying to supress your uploads, what’s the deal with that?

* * *

  **Post #32 - chatbit**

Here's one for you: What makes you think anyone actually reads/cares about your blog?

* * *

  **Post #33 - mrBlonde**

Don’t be a dick Chatbit.

Hylian, ask him if he knows how long this stuff has been going on in the town. I’m curious if its a recent development or meant to have been going on for a while.

* * *

**Post #34 - charol**

Chatbit is rude. Bad. Bad troll. No dessert.

* * *

  **Post #35 -  Chatbit**

> **charol -** Chatbit is rude. Bad. Bad troll. No dessert.

Fuxk you! All the dessert!

And I still say this whole thing it stupid.

* * *

**Post #36 - Tiger Raven**

Chatbit, if you don’t care to civilly participate, please take your salt over to the Salty Spitoon sub-forum. This is not the only thread I’ve had to give you this kind of warning in. In other words…

* * *

**Post #37 - MrSovengrade**

[New KBCW post](http://keepbeachcityweird.tumblr.com/post/124012728571/is-anyone-else-seeing-this-i-was-just-in-the):

Looks like there’s a green one now. Who is supposedly doing broadcast hijacking. Hmm… I’m reminded of something now..

* * *

 

**Post #38 - DaMantisMan**

Dang it Ronaldo, at least transcribe it instead of going on your koala rants! Hylian, if it’s not too late, add something asking what the broadcast said.

* * *

 

**Post #39 - hylianhero999**

Alright, message sent. And now we wait for a response.

* * *

 

**Post #40 - Gimme20Dollarz**

> **DaMantisMan -** Dang it Ronaldo, at least transcribe it instead of going on your koala rants!

Priorities. He has them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, I know I've been gone for a long time. Real life sucks.
> 
> This is a short update, but I'm slowly getting back into the swing of writing. Bear with me, most of these projects will get rolling again shortly.

**Author's Note:**

> Expect one page (10 posts) at a time with relatively frequent updates. I have some pretty neat ideas with this one. If you're totally out of the loop, you probably haven't seen the Steven Universe web shorts, so they are linked in the text.
> 
> Unforum was a ARG website I used to be on a long time back that is sadly not around anymore. Thought I'd pay it tribute as a setting for this fic.


End file.
